The wait is over: you got your ADHD diagnosis, and the relief is instantaneous. This affirming experience gives you a new lens to look at your life through. There’s just one problem—how can you talk about it with those closest to you?

Decide Who Needs to Know First

Before you start talking to the people around you, decide who you want to share your diagnosis with. You don’t owe anything to anyone, and not everyone needs to know everything about you. Think about who this diagnosis may affect and why you want to share this information. Be sure to take things at your own pace, rather than rushing into anything.

People who might need to know:

• Partners or spouses who navigate daily life with you

• Close family members you see regularly

• Friends who notice when you cancel plans or struggle with time

Of course, you may also want to talk to your employer about your ADHD. However, that is a very different conversation. For now, let’s focus on the people in your life. Remember, some people choose to keep their diagnosis private, which is perfectly valid. Decide what approach you want to take, how much you want to share with people, and when the time is right.

Explain What ADHD Actually Is

There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to ADHD, with some people incorrectly making blanket statements like “everyone has a bit of ADHD”. Consider what the other person already knows about neurodiversity, and meet them at that point.

While you don’t owe anyone an explanation, you can detail the basics of ADHD. For example, you might say something like “my brain processes dopamine and executive functions differently to neurotypical people”. Make sure you affirm that this is not a flaw or something you need to be ashamed of. It is merely a difference that may be helpful for them to understand.

If You Need Support, Be Honest About It

In a perfect world, the people around you would instantly offer you the support that you need. However, we don’t live in a perfect world. The truth is that many people don’t have the tools to help or make allowances for neurodivergent people. Rather than having them do the guesswork, be honest about what you’d like to see from them, if anything at all.

Here are some reasonable things you may ask from them:

• Patience when you're late or forget plans

• Direct communication instead of vague hints

• Help you to remember important dates or tasks

• Grace on days when you're feeling overwhelmed

You’re not being demanding by asking for this support. Instead, you’re speaking up about ways that the other person can make your life, and ultimately your relationship, easier to manage. Let them know that you appreciate them, which is why you feel comfortable to share this with them.

Set Boundaries Around Advice

One of the biggest problems with telling people about your ADHD is that all too many people think that they are experts. From suggesting certain supplements to offering you “hacks” you can use, you might find yourself inundated with advice that won’t work for you. While the other person is only trying to help, it’s useful to set boundaries around this early on.

Find ways to shut down this type of advice, while still being kind to the other person. You might tell them that you’re working with your doctor to find the right treatment plan, for example, or explain that you’re not looking for advice at the moment. The key here is being polite but firm.

Revisit the Conversation Later

You can’t expect to cover everything that you need to say in one conversation, and that’s okay. Have an initial chat with your loved one, and then move onto something more light hearted. Be clear that you will revisit the conversation later and explain whether you’ll be open to questions.

When you’re ready to raise the topic again, give them a heads-up. Let them know that you want to talk through some things, and find a time when they are in the right place to support you. It’s not easy. However, with honest communication, you can bridge the gap in understanding.

Takeaway

Talking about your diagnosis is about strengthening your relationships and helping people to understand how your brain works. The right people will be open to hearing about your diagnosis and explore ways that they can better support you. And, if you’re yet to get a diagnosis, our ADHD assessment services are a fast, accurate, and straightforward option.