You’ve just done a full office day, but when you get home you’re exhausted. It’s not the commute or even the work. You’ve spent over eight hours masking, or “performing neurotypical traits” just to be accepted. The experience is enough to wipe you out.

Whether you force eye contact even though it hurts, suppress your stimming, or script conversations in your head before they happen, you may be masking. This is a common coping mechanism in autistic people and the result of feeling that we have to change ourselves to be accepted by society. And, you’re not alone.

Up to 90% of autistic adults report camouflaging or masking their autistic characteristics to fit in when it comes to relationships, work, and education. Marking can help you navigate a neurotypical world, but it comes with a significant price tag. Let’s talk about what it costs you.

What is Masking?

Masking is when you switch up your behaviour to appear more socially acceptable. It often involves mimicking behaviour you’ve seen in neurotypical people. For example, you might:

• Practice conversations in your head before you have them

• Suppress “strimming” activities, such as moving your hands and feet

• Use learnt rules when responding to people’s non-verbal communication

• Changing your tone of voice or becoming more animated in conversation

• Copying facial expressions or movements of other people

• Making prolonged eye contact with others when you don’t feel comfortable

• Holding back on sharing interests for fear of rejection

Autistic people experience the world, and particularly social situations, differently to others. However, from a young age, you may have picked up on societal “rules” you need to follow. Some autistic people describe this like playing a game or switching into “social mode”.

Of course, you may not even realise you’re doing it. For many, masking is an unconscious habit. It often develops as a coping mechanism and is linked to our survival mode. One clue that you’ve been masking is that socialising exhausts you and makes you feel overwhelmed after.

How Masking Affects You

Masking can seriously damage your mental health, with autistic adults describing camouflaging as highly stressful, exhausting, and anxiety-provoking. It can feel as though you’re constantly performing, which can be both physically and mentally tiring. In the long run, this experience can lead to a condition called autistic burnout.

It doesn’t end there. Masking can also make you feel you’re not accepted or belonging in society. That, in turn,increases risk of depression and suicidal thoughts and behaviours. You may start to lose touch with your authentic self, since you are used to hiding them away.

Setting Boundaries and Unmasking

Masking is not a flaw. You learned this technique to help you survive, and you don’t have to stop using all of your coping strategies. However, finding a space where you can unmask can help ease some of the discomfort while building your self-esteem. Here are some strategies:

Recognise Your Needs

One of the most worrying parts of masking is people-pleasing. When you’re focusing on everyone else’s needs, you can often neglect your own. When you’re alone and comfortable, take a moment to write down your needs in social situations. What do you expect? What do you want from those around you? Simply acknowledging them is the first step.

Set Real Boundaries

Decide when masking is necessary and when it is not. For example, you may need to mask at work to get by—this is known as professional masking. However, you can balance this by unmasking with trusted people in your free time. Consider what works for you.

Find Your Community

Masking tends to happen when you’re around neurotypical people. So, connecting with other autistic people, whether through support groups, online forums, or autism-friendly events, can be invaluable. These safe spaces offer understanding, validation, and practical strategies from people who share your experiences.

Seek Professional Support

Therapists familiar with autism can help you navigate the unmasking process, manage mental health conditions, and develop strategies for setting boundaries. Unmasking is a personal choice and a deeply individual process, and they can guide you through it.

Takeaway

If you have autism or are awaiting an autism assessment, masking is likely to be a familiar trait. Recognising how it impacts you on a daily basis is the first step in preventing burnout. Use the advice we’ve shared here as your first steps, and talk to a therapist if you need more support.