You’re hanging out with friends when they start talking about a film they saw last week. Only, you weren’t invited. In fact, this is the first you’re hearing about it. Your stomach drops and you feel overwhelmed with emotion. Tears threaten to erupt. But you try to play it cool. You may be experiencing rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD).

Up to 99% of ADHD people struggle with RSD traits, and this can be a severely impairing trait. You might experience an extreme emotional reaction to any perceived criticism or rejection. We’re not merely talking about surface-level upset. The pain that ADHDers feel when they believe that they’ve been rejected runs deep. Here’s how you can manage it.

What RSD Looks Like

RSD can be hard to explain, especially to someone who hasn’t experienced it before. It means that your reaction to a situation is out of proportion, but this is not something that you control. Here are some of the ways that it may impact your everyday life:

• Seemingly “irrational” emotional responses

• Intense emotional pain when you feel rejected

• Avoiding situations that may lead to judgment

• Perfectionism driven by a fear of not being good enough

• Sudden rage at the person who triggered the pain

Chances are, you’ve experienced some, if not all, of the above. RSD can hit at any time, and can make it difficult to manage your emotions. Much like emotional dysregulation, it’s often fundamental to ADHD. However, there are some ways you can manage it.

5 Ways to Manage Your RSD Symptoms

Now that we’ve covered what RSD is, let’s talk about how you can deal with it. Sadly, there’s no magical solution that will change how you experience rejection or criticism. But there are some simple strategies you can try, including:

1. Acknowledged That RSD Exists

When you experience RSD, it can be an alienating moment. You may have grown up being told that you’re “too sensitive” or that you should “just deal with it”. However, this is central to your ADHD and it’s not entirely within your control. Acknowledge that your brain processes rejection differently to neurotypical brains, and stop feeling ashamed of this experience.

2. Challenge Automatic Thoughts

When you feel rejected, what automatic thoughts come up for you? You might suddenly believe that the other person hates you or that you’re not good enough. Challenging the thoughts that pop into your mind is a good way to process the perceived slight. You can use cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques to look at reframing the situation in a healthier way.

3. Build Mindfulness Skills

Mindfulness is often sold as a “fix all” solution. While it won’t make your RSD go away, it can help you to pause and slow down the flood of emotions you experience. When RSD hits, take a moment to try and ground yourself. You can name five things you can see, try box breathing, and remind yourself that feelings are not facts.

4. Communicate Your Needs

Speaking up about your RSD is one way to manage it. If you feel safe around certain people, open up to them about how this experience affects you. Not only will this make you feel more at ease, but it will help those around you understand your reactions to certain events. They may even change their language around you to avoid accidentally triggering your RSD.

5. Consider Professional Support

While all of the above will help you to manage your RSD in some small way, nothing beats professional support. Should you find that RSD negatively impacts your everyday life, reach out to a therapist or coach who specialises in ADHD to begin to work through this aspect of it.

Takeaway

While RSD feels overwhelming in the moment, it’s a common part of the ADHD experience. You’re not being overdramatic or sensitive; you’re having a very real and painful experience. Whether you’re diagnosed or waiting for your ADHD assessment, there are ways you can cope with RSD. Use the advice we’ve shared in this guide as a starting point.